Monsters



I don’t understand myself. I left him so I can have the chance to open my heart to uncomplicated men. I used to hate his impossibleness and the complexities of our relationship. Now that we’re over, I can’t seem to be attracted to simple men. 

Why? Maybe I secretly loved the thrill. Maybe, I loved him because he is complicated. Maybe…just maybe, there’s a masochist inside me. Maybe, I love being hurt.

I know…I hope that I love to be loved too. I love too much but I don’t receive the same love I’m giving. Did I get so used to the complexities that I learned to embrace them?

Three years is not a short time. Maybe that monster transformed me into the monster that he is. It is possible too that I transformed him into the monster that I am. I wish I can just be a normal girl who loves to be loved.

And somewhere in my heart, I’m still hoping that someone will come to my life and give me so much love that I will hate to be hurt.

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