Crazy Lover

♫ ♫She cries..This is more than goodbye. When I look into your eyes, you're not even there ♫ ♫ 

- Just A Feeling, Maroon5

Once upon a time, there was this love which I tried so hard to save. Now, that love is gone. It's all gone. Fuck the interims. I don't want to remember. I just want to learn.

I'm one crazy gal. I know that. I'm the type of person whose highs and lows are so pronounced. I get jealous all the time. I'm territorial. I am emotionally unstoppable. I get excited at arguments. I get overwhelmed with the thought of pain. I know it's very difficult to love a girl like me and yes, most men repel crazy girls. But baby, when I fall in love, guaranteed, it's a crazy kind of love, it's the most loyal and faithful love, it's the 'give-all-I-have' love.

I don't ever want to reminisce again everything that happened. I just want to learn from them. I don't want to feel angry or sad or whatever. Again, I just want to learn. Probably, he cannot be held fully liable for the failure of our relationship. Probably, I did things or I did not do things that led to this situation. Probably, we're both at fault. There were times when he was unfair and there were times when I was unreasonable. Tonight, I just want to admit my mistakes and forgive him and myself. Yes, I need to forgive myself too. I need to let myself off the hook for everything that fucked up our relationship. I have to stop blaming myself.

And to my past lover, for whatever it's worth, let me thank you for all the memories we've shared. In the same vein, let me apologize for failing to make it work. For not trying, I forgive you too.

This shall be the end of it. After this post, I'll continue consciously kicking him out of my mind and he shall never be mentioned again for quite some time, especially in this blog.

Now signing off,

The one who got away