Coffee with Kimmy

                I am a hard worker especially when I put my mind and heart into something. However, there came a point this year when I felt like I lost everything I've worked hard for. I lost control over almost every aspect of my life. I drank a lot, smoked a lot, ate a lot. I had no reservations.  The Addiction                     Food became my bestfriend. It was my outlet whenever I would feel depressed, which was OFTEN. Yep. I felt depressed almost every hour of every day and during those times, I would eat. Eating, for me, became a balm to a very painful wound. It provided temporary numbness to my aching soul. It was a tight hug to my lonely old self. It was something to fill the void, albeit, temporary but still...but still.  In short, eating was on the top of my "short-term-source-of-happiness-that-could-somehow-alleviate-the-pain" list. And of course, you would not...

                                         A while ago, I was driving to work when I heard a song entitled, " She's Hot Though" by Five Seconds of Summer. The melody was really good but what got me was the lyrics. My girlfriend’s bitchin’ cause I always sleep in She’s always screamin’ when she’s calling her friend She’s kinda hot though Yeah, she’s kinda hot though (Just an itty bitty little bit hot) My shrink is telling me I got crazy dreams She’s also saying I got low self esteem She’s kinda hot though Yeah, she’s kinda hot though (Just a little bit a little bit hot) She put me on meds, she won’t get out of my head She’s kinda hot though (One, two, three, four) My friend left college 'cause it felt like a job His mom and dad both think he’s a slob He’s got a shot though (No, not really) Yeah, he’s got a ...

                                     Three months ago, I was a very sad person. I could still remember how there were times when pangs of sadness would hit my entire body and my soul all at once. I would talk to myself in the middle of the night in front of the mirror while crying, cheering myself up, and hoping to somehow mend the thousand pieces of my broken heart by uttering words of affirmation to myself. I was miserable. I would write letters of apology to myself. I would often say sorry for letting go of the freedom I fought so fucking hard to get. I gained so much weight. I almost drank myself to death. I was awake during the wee hours. I settled for less than what I deserve in love. I was a mess. A total mess.                      I was a lost cause.                    Lo...

La Dolce Vita = The Sweet Life                    Let me start by letting you know the purpose of this trip. I wanted some time away from the bustling city. I wanted some time away from the pain and heartache. Due to the recent events in my life, I became a sad person. Although I was laughing so loud and smiling so much, inside, I was a sad, sad person. I would smile and laugh just to appeace the world. I wanted to smile...to really...really....really smile. I wanted to laugh my heart out and not feel empty after.   So....there you go. In a nutshell, I took this trip because I wanted to see and experience the beauty of life once again.          First, I chose La Union because of the bohemian vibe going on in this place. I've never been here before but based on the pictures I saw, it has stricken me as a calm place where I can think, meditate and pray. Then, I heard about Camp Avenue, a ...

"TRUST GOD'S TIMING."  ***Repeat 1000 times*** Lord, Please, show me the reason behind everything that's happening. Please provide the answer to my life's whys. Please take away the pain. Please make me understand. That's all I'm asking. Kim

Oraaaaaayyyyyyt. I'm turning 26 this month and I AM EGZOOOOYTEEEEEED!!!! You see, I've always wanted to spend a whole week in a quiet place by the sea but for some reason (mainly my studies and lack of time, money and opportunity), until now, I still haven't done that. So. To celebrate my birthday this year, I am going to spend as much time as I can in La Union. La Union is one of my dream destinations not only because of its famous beach waves but also because of the whole bohemian vibe going on in the place. It's beaches strike me as gloomy and windy...so perfect for my ultimate goal of finding peace and reflecting on the reasons behind the recent events in my life. I am going to pray. I am going to calm my soul. I am going to move on. So, here's the plan: Lay down on the sand, listen to the sound of the waves, meditate. I wanna do just that for days and days and days (1 week max, if my budget will allow). I'm still figuring out the dates ...

        Photo credit:  thedreamslife Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 On my way to the coffee shop today, I heard something on the radio which made me think of things. The radio announcer said, "The right kind of love will choose the right decision. The right kind of love will not hurt others. The right kind of love will make you choose the right path." Then I remembered the bible verse cited above which ultimately led me to realize some things which are of great significance to ...

I am so many things right now. I am a grieving friend. One of my closest friends died recently and my heart was crushed. I am a heartbroken lover. I decided to give up and let someone go even though I am deeply madly in love with him. I am a dreamer who's hoping for the best. Always for the best. I am frustrated. I am sad. My heart is crying and I have so many things going on in my mind. God, please heal me.

Today, I decided to say goodbye. Goodbye to the idea that you are going to save me. Goodbye to all my delusions that someday, you'll be mine and mine alone. Goodbye to all the tears I've shed and will shed. Goodbye to being your Sunday and not just your Saturday night. Goodbye to my dream of becoming your wife. Goodbye to the pain. Goodbye to my love for you. Goodbye to you. Goodbye.

I'd like to have someone comfort me in the middle of the night while I'm crying over some stupid hopeless romantic shit I read.  Like now.  I wonder how it will be like if I have someone to hug me right now while I'm crying over Jessica Hawkin's Something In The Way series. I'm so fucking lonely right now.

Helpless. You know what hurts the most? Being completely helpless. When you want something so bad you're willing to do just about anything but then, nothing can really be done because you're helpless. It hurts. It fucki g hurts.

So. I'm writing this down just a couple of hours after I've finished reading the book. I can't contain it anymore. Right now, I have just come to terms with the fact that the intense feelings inside of me are not going away and on the contrary, they're getting more intense every second so If I don't let them all out, I might just explode into sweet sweet nothingness. It's official. I'm having a massive book hang over. Last night, I started reading L.J. Shen's Midnight Blue and just like most of the best things that happened in my life, it blew me away unexpectedly. Yes, unexpectedly because the last book in her Vicious Series let me down. So I really don't have high expectations with this one and boy, was I wrong. Was I fucking wrong. Oh. My. Gosh. The words she used in that book are still hunting me hours after I read it and I don't doubt that they'll continue to hunt me in the coming days. The characters are so intense and memorabl...